The post this week is by Mark Jones of did you just call me...dad? He writes about his experiences of as a future father. This is a hilarious post he wrote about his first trip to the OB/GYN with his wife.
Back in Time: 12 weeks
12 Week Sonogram
Our first appointment with the Dr. was at 12 weeks. We had to wait a little while because Steffanie’s insurance had not kicked in until Nov. 1st. I’m sure our Dr. doesn’t want to be mentioned, so I’ll just refer to him as Dr. D.
Now, I’ve never been to an OBGYN before. No reason to obviously. So I didn’t know what to expect. Once we’re in the room, I am directed to this chair in the corner, and Steffanie is directed to change in to some awesome hospital-type clothing and hop up on the table.
Dr. D comes in, introduces himself, and seems like a pretty cool guy. Then shit hit the fan.
This dude slaps on some gloves and starts looking at things only I should see. Poking things I should only be poking, you know? I mean, I swear at one point, Dr. D was elbow deep in my wife’s junk. I wish I could have filmed the look on my face while all this was happening.
Now, I know this is his job and that’s what’s supposed to happen… but it was the most awkward experience I’ve ever had. All I could think of was: GET YOUR HANDS OUT MY WOMAN’S VAGINA! So then Dr. D says he’s gonna do an ultrasound. Ok, no big deal. Awkward stuff is over.
Dude whips out this thing that closely resembles one of those “personal massagers” you see at Walgreens… or an Adult XXX Shop (I swear the damn thing had a vibrate switch on it). Same thing. He grabs some lube and slathers the whole thing with it. He then goes to town. Didn’t even say “ok here we go”, nope just rams it in there like it’s nothing. I mean, come on man… at least take her out to dinner first, right?
Then I look up and I can see this little baby moving. I see hands. Feet. A head. I can see the heart beating.
All my thoughts about what had just happened disappeared. I was speechless. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen.